Overheard in English Class

Teacher: Repeat after me: May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

Students: May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the classes of suffering.

Teacher:  You want to be free from the classes of suffering?  Fine, you may leave. 

Funny Conversations 3

Pema Chodron: "Ani Damchoe Wangmo!  One four three!"

Me: (thinking a moment) "I love you, too."

Ngawang Sherab:  "ga re za?"

Pema Chodron: "One zer na I, four zer na love, three zer na you."

(from the balcony outside) Lobsang Palmo*:  Damchoe Wangmo!  One four three!

Me:  "Khyerang la one four three lo!"

***

Tibetan words:

ga re za = what did you say?

zer na= if you say that it means...

khyed rang la = to you

lo= not sure how to translate this, cute, girly way to end your sentences, very common among young nuns.

***

* Lobsang Palmo is a very Eastern Tibetan nun who speaks no English, except, apparently "one four three".

Funny Conversations 2

Me: "How much is a ticket to Kolkata?

Ticket Agent/Coffee bean retailer:  "You want to go to Kolkata with a K or Calcutta with a C?"

Me: "They are the same place."

Agent: "They are the same place?"

Me: "You are an Indian, why are you asking me?"

-- in Kushalnagar village

Overheard at the nunnery

"Don't ask questions to the exam supervisors.  You've had a whole year to learn these things.  And besides, it has been so many years since we've studied these things - we've forgotten everything."

--a Lopon speaking at the shedra meeting on 'How to write final exams'

Howarts vs. Namdroling Monastery

Hogwarts is a castle.

Namdroling is comprised of a few dozen buildings, centered around four temples - which are somewhat castle-like.

Hogwarts is divided into Houses.

Namdroling's charter forbids the formation of organizations based on race, views, because these could lead to schisms in the Sangha... like the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

Hogwarts has Harry Potter, the Chosen One.

Namdroling has dozens of chosen ones, ie. reincarnate lamas.

Hogwarts educates young witches and wizards.

Namdroling educates monks and nuns, most of whom have no magical powers.

Hogwarts gets attacked by Lord Voldermort.

Namdroling gets attacked by... excessive hot weather? bus loads of tourists? bees?

Hogwarts' professors are masters of various types of magic.

Namdroling's lamas are masters of the various methods of attaining enlightenment.

Hogwarts students learn how to perform magic.

Namdroling students learn to cut through illusion with wisdom.

Hogwarts exists in the imagination of the world.

Namdroling exists in the world which exists in the imagination.

Why my class shouldn't be trusted with butter lamps

When we complete the study of a text we make offerings to the three jewels and to our teacher.  Yesterday we lit 108 butter lamps in our classroom. These lamps were special because half of them were filled not from the semi-solid butter substitute we usually use, but with regular cooking oil.  From the moment they were lit they started smoking.  By the end of the day our once white classroom was stained grey with soot.

This reminded me of the time we almost burned down our altar when I was in second year. The altar cloth covering the wooden altar caught fire from a butter lamp.  The wood itself didn't catch, thank the Buddha!

Again last year we lit butter lamps below some tormas.  This caused the butter decorations on them to melt, staining our shelves with melted butter.

I hope my class can come up with a better legacy than destruction.  Luckily we have three more years to work on this, and all our buildings are solid concrete.

Funny conversations...

I've been meaning to post some of the funny conversations I've had. Early this morning:

ROOMATE: Ani Damchoe Wangmo! Did you drop 200 rupees (about U.S. five dollars) in the toilet?

ME: Uh...

RM: Someone dropped 200 rupees in the toilet!

ME: (cringing at the thought of Gandhi-ji's visage getting dirty in our toilet) Did you take it out?

RM: (points to two wet 100 rupee notes drying on the window sill) So it isn't yours?

ME. I don't think so.

RM: I think it is mine. I took a shower last night. (yes, we shower in our toilet stall, for privacy)

ME: Well... if you are not sure you could offer it (for a puja). But... maybe you shouldn't offer those exact bills because...

BOTH OF US: They fell in the toilet! (laughter)