Reflections of Reflections

Moved!

2010-11-01T10:54:00.000+05:30

Well, I've decided to move over to Wordpress, to find my same old blog on the new site, just click:

damchoe.wordpress.com

It is still a work in progress, so any suggestions would be appreciated.

The oral exam

2010-08-13T17:48:00.001+05:30

Students in their seventh year of shedra have a special task during the 'rainy season retreat'. They must explain a passage of Mipham's spyi don 'od gsal snying po (available in English as Luminous Essence) and then answer questions.

The student does not get to pick what she will explain. The student's name is drawn. She takes her seat in front of the teachers, with her back to her fellow students. A page number is drawn - usually from the first half the text. She begins her explanation. Questions follow. Then the student is released. The whole ordeal lasts ten minutes.

These ten minutes are the source of a considerable amount of stress for seventh year students. I was not immune to this and spent as much time as I could reviewing the text. Leading up to the beginning of the 'rainy season retreat' I had been worrying about my visa situation and this oral exam was just one more thing making me anxious. About a week before the exam I decided the easiest solution was to leave India for two months then return. Just making this decision helped a lot in lightening up the crazy stress which had been plaguing me. It gave me a few days to cram on 'od gsal snying po and to pack my bags.

The exam itself went alright. The first person, Ani D.C., was very quiet and very nervous, despite her prodigious knowledge. Then it was my turn. I had to explain a passage about Ati Yoga (the highest level of Buddhist tantra). Unfortunately I hadn't reviewed this section very well although I'd read about the topic elsewhere. So I explained the first few lines, then second guessed myself, and said, "A le ngas nor yin sa red." Oh I think I've made a mistake! Everyone laughed. I continued with my explanation nonetheless. It turned out later I was not mistaken but my outburst revealed my lack of familiarity with the text. I was really nervous, but I tried to speak clearly, draw a few connections and make some examples. I had been hoping to reference Longchenpa's description of 'knots in the sky untying themselves' so I threw it in. When it came time to answer questions I had to describe the difference between khregs chod and thod rgal (two types of ati yoga meditation). I did alright on that one. The second questions was whether or not there is a difference between the views of Ati Yoga and of Prasangika Madyamika (the highest level of non-tantric Buddhist philosophy). I had something to say about this but didn't really have enough time to communicate my thoughts. The head teacher said, "That's enough." So I went back to my seat in the audience and grabbed a text book so I could see whether I had made a mistake or not.

It was a good experience. I'm glad so glad it is over! Now I'm in Nepal. More on that later.

Overheard in English Class

2010-07-11T21:20:00.000+05:30

Teacher: Repeat after me: May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

Students: May all sentient beings be free from suffering and the classes of suffering.

Teacher: You want to be free from the classes of suffering? Fine, you may leave.

Tantric kindergarten

2010-06-26T09:29:00.001+05:30

Since my last post, back in April, I've been attending class and going to debate-- just like every other year. Now that we are studying tantra, though, it is like being in first year again. There is a lot of new terminology to learn, not to mention an extremely profound view of the universe. Unlike first year, however, at least we can all understand the text. In our first year many of us had to struggle to cope with the classical Tibetan. Despite being Himalayan, many of my classmates were not raised speaking or reading Tibetan. Rather they were educated in Bhutanese, Nepali, Hindi, English, and in one case, Urdu. Tibetan was not the language spoken in their homes, although some of their ancestors may have been of Tibetan origin. So we all had to struggle to figure out what was going on in class. I had an advantage actually, in that I could read the English translations of the texts we studied.

The quality of my studying hasn't been great these last few months. I've been worrying about my Indian visa. I can't go into details here, since this is a public blog, but what it comes down to is: I may have trouble attending enough classes to be able to write final exams. In order to write the exams for a given year of shedra we have to have attended at least eighty percent of the classes. I still have some things to try, I want to be able to write the exams… But if I can't, well, I will still study all the same texts. I just won't be able to graduate with my class. It is hard to accept this potentiality-- graduating from shedra is my dream. But really, it is just a piece of paper and a title. This situation forces me to focus on studying the Dharma for its own sake, which is how it should be.

Seventh year begins

2010-04-19T11:56:00.004+05:30

School has been in session for just more than a week now. My first subject this year is Luminous Presence (spyi don 'od gsal snyingpo) - Mipham's overview of the Guhyagarbha Tantra based on Longchenpa's Dispelling Darkness in the Ten Directions (phyogs bcu mun sel).

Before I started shedra - I looked at the curriculum and wished that I didn't have to wait six years to study tantra. Many people I've met have expressed similar views. I think this sort of view reflects how very little we know about the causal vehicle of the sutras. Now that I've spent the last six years with the Mahayana commentaries I feel like they are dear friends and when it comes to practice - indispensable. Of course I don't have to stop studying them, ever, but now I've been thrust into a new community - the three inner tantras. I've only been studying inner tantra for a short time and I cannot imagine trying to study it without a background in Madhyamaka and Uttaratantra (which in fact we see as belonging to the sutra side of things despite having tantra in the name).

This year marks a new phase in my schooling degree wise - the graduate degree. You see, the first four years of study are towards an Associates Degree, the next two towards a Bachelors, and the last three towards a Masters. The graduate of all nine years receives the title of "Lopon".

What about the title "Khenpo" you ask? Often compared to a Ph.D (perhaps erroneously) Khenpos are selected from within the ranks of Lopons. To become a Khenpo one must fulfill certain criteria: 1. have scored in the first divison on the final exams for fourth, sixth, and ninth years 2. have taught as a kyorpon 3. have taught for at least three years after graduating 4. be a fully ordained monk in good standing.

So there you have it. If anyone is wondering why Namdroling doesn't have any Khenmos or Ani Khenpos - see point number four. So thus, the reinstatement of the full ordination lineage for nuns in the Tibetan tradition impacts us. In the meantime, we have Ani Lopons, and that is just fine.

Personally, I'm totally satisfied just to receive the teachings, write the exams, and (in just three short years) graduate. Titles are... well... problematic. I am far more concerned with learning the Dharma and practicing it.

This year I have some fun new resources for studying Guhyagarbha. A few bold individuals have written their PhD theses on the Tibetan commentaries to this tantra. These are great to read as they have wonderful back ground information and include full or partial translations of the commentaries. I also have searchable Tibetan versions of both Mipham and Longchenpa's commentaries which are proving to be useful indeed. I wish I had searchable versions of gsang bdag zhal lung and gsang snying mdzod lde, two other key commentaries to the tantra. So if you have such things, and are reading this- please get in touch. Not that anyone actually reads my blog... but hey, it is worth a try right?

2010-03-07T22:50:00.000+05:30

Greetings from the airport in Saskatoon. In about 36 hours I should be arriving at Namdroling Monastery, India.

Since my last post I've done three more talks, bringing the final total for this trip to seven. These three were all at the University of Saskatchewan. Two were about the path of Mahayana and one -- the big one -- was about Tibetan Buddhist nuns.

Other than talking myself hoarse these last few weeks, I've mostly been visiting with friends. I studied a little bit and translated a short text. There was an article about my life in the local paper and since then a few people have told me they recognize me. Many, many more people have felt free to stare at me and sometimes give me secret smiles as though they know me. I'm not too bother about this. People stare at me all the time, wherever I go. At least now the people in Saskatoon realize that they are looking at a Buddhist nun.

So I bid farewell to Saskatoon once again and look forward to getting back the monastery. I like visiting my home but nine weeks is a long time for a holiday.

2010-02-15T23:58:00.001+05:30

I am happy to say I survived this last week. It was really something - four speaking engagements and two parties. It started at the Unitarian Universalist Center with a talk on Buddhist Mind Training last Sunday. Then I gave an introduction to Buddhism at the Avenue Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity. (I basically gave the same talk at both places. ) On Thursday, I met with a group of chaplaincy students at St. Paul's Hospital. Finally, yesterday, I met with the Unitarian youth group, again at the U.U. Center. So it has been a busy week. I also held a birthday party for my mother on Saturday, and, since yesterday was the lunar new year, I attended a Losar party.

The Losar party was special because I had the chance to spend some time with Ilse Guenther, wife of Buddhist studies pioneer Herbert Guenther. At ninety years old Mrs. Guenther is healthy and active. She's currently engaged in translating some of her husbands published works from English to German. This party also included the entire Tibetan population of Saskatoon - all three of them.

I was a bit sad not to be at Namdroling for Losar. It has always been my favorite place to celebrate the new year. This year though, it would have been heartbreaking to be there on the first new year after the passing of our Lama. It would have been lonely too, since a large part of our monastery population is still in Bodhgaya receiving the Kama empowerments.

Oh yeah that blog thingy, I knew I was forgetting something.

2010-02-02T03:45:00.000+05:30

A month ago, I finished writing my sixth year exams. I wrote two exams on Abhisamayalankarakarika by Maitreya, one on Haribhadra's commentary and the other on Paltrul Rinpoche's commentary. I also wrote an exam on the third chapter of Dharmakirti's Pramanavartika, with Mipham's commentary, one on the last two chapters of Dudjom's history, and one on Dharmadharmatavibhakarika by Maitreya, with Mipham's commentary.

If I had to pick a favorite subject for this year it would be Dharmadharmatavibhagakarika also known as chos dang chos nyid rnam 'byed. It focuses on the nature of samsara and nirvana as awareness. It is available in English as Distinguishing Phenomena and Pure Being. This translation is pretty good, but there are a few things I would change (spelling mistakes in the Tibetan on facing pages, for example).

This year (unless I happened to have failed my exams) I'll be starting seventh year, the first of three years focusing on tantra. Last year I took special care to get the transmissions and permissions necessary to read Luminous Essence, Dharmachakra's English translation of Miphams spyi don 'do gsal snying po. I'm also listening to Khenchen Namdrol's lectures on mp3.

Hmm... all this makes me sound quite studious. Friends, that is simply not the case. I'm home in Canada at the moment. Dharma study and practice are indeed a part of each day. The rest of the time I've been enjoying the amazing foods of home, playing MarioKart Wii, connecting with old friends and making new ones, and watching House MD.

Funny Conversations 3

2009-12-11T05:55:00.000+05:30

Pema Chodron: "Ani Damchoe Wangmo! One four three!"

Me: (thinking a moment) "I love you, too."

Ngawang Sherab: "ga re za?"

Pema Chodron: "One zer na I, four zer na love, three zer na you."

(from the balcony outside) Lobsang Palmo*: Damchoe Wangmo! One four three!

Me: "Khyerang la one four three lo!"

***

Tibetan words:

ga re za = what did you say?

zer na= if you say that it means...

khyed rang la = to you

lo= not sure how to translate this, cute, girly way to end your sentences, very common among young nuns.

***

* Lobsang Palmo is a very Eastern Tibetan nun who speaks no English, except, apparently "one four three".

Funny Conversations 2

2009-12-10T21:53:00.000+05:30

Me: "How much is a ticket to Kolkata?

Ticket Agent/Coffee bean retailer: "You want to go to Kolkata with a K or Calcutta with a C?"

Me: "They are the same place."

Agent: "They are the same place?"

Me: "You are an Indian, why are you asking me?"

-- in Kushalnagar village

Overheard at the nunnery

2009-12-07T20:19:00.000+05:30

"Don't ask questions to the exam supervisors. You've had a whole year to learn these things. And besides, it has been so many years since we've studied these things - we've forgotten everything."

--a Lopon speaking at the shedra meeting on 'How to write final exams'

Howarts vs. Namdroling Monastery

2009-12-04T22:39:00.000+05:30

Hogwarts is a castle.

Namdroling is comprised of a few dozen buildings, centered around four temples - which are somewhat castle-like.

Hogwarts is divided into Houses.

Namdroling's charter forbids the formation of organizations based on race, views, because these could lead to schisms in the Sangha... like the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

Hogwarts has Harry Potter, the Chosen One.

Namdroling has dozens of chosen ones, ie. reincarnate lamas.

Hogwarts educates young witches and wizards.

Namdroling educates monks and nuns, most of whom have no magical powers.

Hogwarts gets attacked by Lord Voldermort.

Namdroling gets attacked by... excessive hot weather? bus loads of tourists? bees?

Hogwarts' professors are masters of various types of magic.

Namdroling's lamas are masters of the various methods of attaining enlightenment.

Hogwarts students learn how to perform magic.

Namdroling students learn to cut through illusion with wisdom.

Hogwarts exists in the imagination of the world.

Namdroling exists in the world which exists in the imagination.

What this blog isn't

2009-11-27T16:40:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I wonder if I should post moving Dharma teachings, or photos of great masters, or discuss Buddhism related events in the media... or even (gag, choke, choke) talk about my practice, but that just isn't what this blog is about. I am writing this blog as a reflection of my thoughts and my life, as a record for myself, my friends, and my family, and as a (rather tinted) window into nun life in general. There are lots of blogs and websites out there where monastic and non-monastic bloggers post beautiful and insightful articles. There are also a lot of people who post inspiring quotes and photos on Facebook. That really is great. And meaningful.
Me, I'm just a narcissistic sophist who happens to be ordained as a nun and happens to live in a Buddhist monastery in India. All I can reflect is my own experience, which is limited, and samsaric. Thanks, for those of you who visit my blog. Sorry your visit hasn't been more meaningful. If this is your first taste of Buddhism, please don't stop here - there is a lot more out there.

How I get through exams, in 18 steps

2009-11-23T17:20:00.001+05:30

1. attend class, try to pay attention, possibly even take notes in class
2. for oh lets say the first month of the school year - study after class, debate about what was taught that same day
3. then yarne starts - spend the time out of class spazing about debating exams
4. after yarne - the fear starts - exams are coming, churn out some possible exam answers
5. reading month - realize that i could have prepared a lot more during the year
6. panic, consider not writing exams
7. realize that would delay graduation
8. consider not graduating at all, imagine moving back to Canada
9. the day comes when we have to formally sign up to write the exams - sign up
10. realize what I just did
11. resign myself to actually writing the exams
12. panic
13. blog about it, apparently
14. study
15. give up hope of being the highest scoring student in the class
16. attempt to abandon fear of failing completely
17.having abandoned hope and fear - rest in the thought 'just passing is enough'
18. attempt to do so

Why my class shouldn't be trusted with butter lamps

2009-11-10T19:57:00.000+05:30

When we complete the study of a text we make offerings to the three jewels and to our teacher. Yesterday we lit 108 butter lamps in our classroom. These lamps were special because half of them were filled not from the semi-solid butter substitute we usually use, but with regular cooking oil. From the moment they were lit they started smoking. By the end of the day our once white classroom was stained grey with soot.

This reminded me of the time we almost burned down our altar when I was in second year. The altar cloth covering the wooden altar caught fire from a butter lamp. The wood itself didn't catch, thank the Buddha!

Again last year we lit butter lamps below some tormas. This caused the butter decorations on them to melt, staining our shelves with melted butter.

I hope my class can come up with a better legacy than destruction. Luckily we have three more years to work on this, and all our buildings are solid concrete.

2009-11-06T12:51:00.000+05:30

We are nearing the end of another year of studies here at Namdroling. My last class will be next Monday morning, which is the Buddhist holy day Lhabab Duchen and thus a very auspicious day to complete our endeavors. There will then be eleven days of break and perhaps pujas for His Holiness' swift rebirth. The next week will usher in that time which is my most favorite as well as most stressful - Reading Month aka. rangjong - the independent study period before exams.
For a few days this week I was the one and only foreign student residing at this monastery. My good friend D. has left, at least temporarily, and M.L. is also off site. Yesterday, however, I noticed a Chinese nun has arrived, so I'm no longer the only international student, not that it matters much, really. I rarely think of my self as being 'other' while living here amongst the nuns. I asked my classmates once, "Do you see me as your classmate or as a foreigner?" They replied, "When we see you from far away, we see a foreigner. When we see you up close we see our classmate."

Pramana rant

2009-10-22T20:10:00.001+05:30

This afternoon I spent about an hour fruitlessly paging through Mipham's Pramanavartika commentary (legs bshad snang ba'i gter) looking for the line "gzhal bya rang mtshan gcig kho na*" in root text by Dharmakirti. At debate I asked my classmates about this often quoted line, they assured me: "It is there! Look on page 46." I had indeed already checked that page a few times already- because it seemed that is exactly there that quote should be. After debate a classmate, determined to show me the quote was there, showed me the page. What we found a very similar line: "rang gi mtshan nyid gcig gzhal bya**". It was then that I started wondering if this was a quote from Pramanavartika or perhaps a certain other extremely well known Pramana text-- Sakyapandita's tshad ma rigs gter. I googled it - two verbatim hits, one citing Sapan. I paged through the root text of rig ter. There it was! So... unless Sapan is quoting Dharmakirti and I am too blind to see it, I believe Sapan may have said it first. Next time I'll google it first.

*the objects to be examined are individually characterized only

** individually characterized objects only are the objects to be examined

Changes at our nunnery

2009-10-11T14:04:00.017+05:30

What was once: Is now:

And now we see:

Which is hopefully laying the ground for:Instead of:

Although... Hmmm....

The last two images are courtesy of the Library of Congress Archives.

2009-10-06T19:27:00.002+05:30

Not long ago we began studying the 3rd chapter of Mipham's commentary on tshad ma rnam 'grel aka pramanavartika. We study its four chapters over four years. Last year was awfully difficult. It was only through great effort, debate, and classroom discussion that we were able to figure out what Mipham and Dharmakirti were attempting to tell us. This year's installment has been enjoyable so far because it is continuing to discuss those topics, namely the nature of generally characterized phenomena and the way they are perceived by the conceptual mind.
Meanwhile we are almost finished our reading of Paltrul's General Commentary on the Perfection of Wisdom. In this case I fear the stuggle and subsequent understanding of the text still lie ahead of me.

2009-10-01T15:55:00.003+05:30

Last week I didn't have classes so I managed to get some serious studying done. I can't say I know the subjects well, but certainly a bit better than before. A scary thought is: three months from now I'll have already written my last final exam for my sixth year of shedra. Until then I'll be spending a lot of time alternately feeling anxious about the impending exams and planning how to spend my winter vacation.

2009-09-16T19:17:00.003+05:30

I finally finished giving my root text. By 'give' I mean recite in the presence of my teacher. This year's root text was very hard to learn - because it is not in verse. Check it out at Lotsawa House , and imagine memorizing it in Tibetan. Yeah.

Quite some time ago Ven. T.G. asked me how I memorize. I memorize fragments, then link them together until I have a few pages worth then I recite it to my teacher. I memorize the fragments by spending a few minutes memorizing each one, then a few minutes doing something else (like watching a video), then when my timer rings I try to remember what I just memorized. I also recite when I am cleaning and cooking. When I wake up in the morning I try to remember what I memorized the previous day. Memorizing right before going to sleep can be very effective, but it gives me nightmares in which the words are spinning around in my head. It is also useful to recite the whole text once a day - but I rarely do this, much to my own loss.

2009-09-05T10:25:00.004+05:30

Well, I've been back for almost a week now. My studying is going well so far. In fact, I feel like it is the beginning of the school year - which is to say, I feel enthusiastic about learning. I've been working on my root text and plan to offer part of it (ie. recite it) to my teacher on Monday. In between studying I've set up a Ning network for monks and nuns in the Tibetan tradition. If you are ordained and want an invitation just send me an email at damchoe at gmail dot com. This enterprise is aided by the fact that my building has finally been connected to the Indian government electricity. That's right - more than twelve hours of light a day!

2009-09-01T12:40:00.000+05:30

So my ‘semester abroad’ ended predictably with several days of train, airplane, car, bus, and rickshaw, finally brining me back to the nunnery on August 30th. Now, I am trying to catch up with my class work, not to mention finish my memorization requirement. When I consider taking the rest of this year off and restarting sixth year next spring, I remember Tulku Pema Wangyal Rinpoche telling me, “Don’t let anything interrupt your studies.” As Rinpoche displayed his omniscience twice during our stay in Dordogne, I’m going to do my best to keep my nose in the books. I may not blog much but I’ll post some photos.

2009-08-30T05:17:00.001+05:30

On August 25th, we were to go to Nyima Dzong, in Provence. That morning, however, Khenpo got a phone call and declared we would be returning to India. He had to go to Bhutan post haste. In the morning, Khenpo addressed the entire assembly of Rigpa students- some fifteen hundred people from around the world. We met with Sogyal Rinpoche again and he led us out of the temple. As we drove out of Lerab Ling, Rinpoche led his students, who had all gathered around the temple, in chanting the Verses of the Eight Auspicious Ones, it was very moving. We took the lightning-fast TVG train to Paris.

2009-08-30T04:31:00.003+05:30

The next morning, Sogyal Rinpoche and Khen Rinpoche blessed the many images, statues and artifacts of the temple. Khenpo continued his teachings in the morning then concluded them in the afternoon session. I had some quality time with the lotsawas and other friends. Unlike Chanteloube, I had many opportunities to assist Khen Rinpoche as his translator and servant. I insisted that Lerab Ling’s own translator, G., translate Khenpo’s oral teachings as he is just so much more skilled than I am, but in daily life translations I was glad to have something to do. That evening, I nerd bonded with some of my new friends among the monastics.

2009-08-24T02:18:00.003+05:30

Yesterday, we said our goodbyes at Chanteloube. Then we drove from Dordogne to Lerab Ling, which is near the Spanish border. Sogyal Rinpoche greeted Khen Rinpoche in front of the temple and then we all adjourned to the top floor of the temple to enjoy the traditional Tibetan food of welcome– sweet rice and tea. This morning we visited visited Khandros Tsering Chodron and Mayum. The Lotsawa House translators introduced the Rigpa Mandala. We met Rinpoche several times during the day. In the afternoon Khen Rinpoche began his teachings on Longchenpa’s Thirty Pieces of Advice from the Heart. This evening I chatted with the local monks and nuns.

Picnic

2009-08-21T13:16:00.000+05:30

Khen Rinpoche, Ani Jinpa, and Ani Yann

2009-08-21T13:00:00.001+05:30

Yesterday I translated an empowerment for the first time! I translated the text in advance and read it off my computer during the ritual. I discovered if the lama speaks quickly I also speak quickly, I’ll need to work on that. It was a great experience and I’d love to do more of the same. In other news, I finally gave 30% of my root text memorization. I hope to give a bit more before we go back to India next week. It is hard and time is short. I am so behind in my studies it is ridiculous. France is great, but I study better in India.

2009-08-21T12:49:00.001+05:30

I seem to have fallen off track with my daily updates. Comment more, it will help... In the last few days I have had wonderful talks with Tulku Pema Wangyal Rinpoche, as well as two of the Padmakara translators. I’ve gained great inspiration for my future and for my present practice. I feel like there are several avenues awaiting me once I graduate from shedra. At the same time, I feel like I have so much more to learn and practice! Rinpoche told us about Dilgo Kyentse Rinpoche and Dudjom Rinpoche. How very precious to hear these stories while staying in a house where they lived and taught.

2009-08-18T02:36:00.000+05:30

Yesterday Khen Rinpoche completed this year’s installment of his on-going teachings on Yontan Dzod. If all goes as planned, he’ll return to complete the text next spring. Today he gave the reading transmission for Ngalso Korsum and Choying Dzod. I got to translate a little today, because Venerable Mattieu had to leave yesterday. It is a bit intimidating to translate in front of a room full of translators and three-year retreat graduates! I also visited the new offices of Padmakara Translations. I felt how normal people feel when they visit a movie set and meet their favorite movie stars. Sigh… Sometimes I feel like a child among grown-ups.

Les Esyees

2009-08-16T21:41:00.003+05:30

2009-08-16T02:19:00.000+05:30

It’s late at night at La Sonnerie. I can hear rave music playing somewhere… The last few days have been pretty much the same. Teachings in the morning. A nap. Then studying in the afternoons. Sometimes when I wake up from my siesta I can hear Khenpo teaching privately in the room next door. Sometimes he is even teaching in my dreams. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the mind and afflictive emotions. I’m certain the Dharma has the answers. I’ve studied them, I know them. But the practice doesn’t sit itself. The path doesn’t traverse itself. Time to sleep, but when will I wake up?

Saint-Léon-sur-Vézère

2009-08-14T00:22:00.000+05:30

Kangyur Rinpoche's stupa

2009-08-13T00:50:00.001+05:30

2009-08-11T23:29:00.001+05:30

We saw some wonderful fireworks last night at Leon sur Verze. Today we continued on with the teachings. I can’t say I was a very good vessel for the teachings, having missed out on sleep last night, but I managed to stay awake. After a nap I started trying to study (I’m so behind!) but A. and D. came over. Nonetheless, I did manage to read for perhaps twenty minutes, then when I walked into the dining room (on my way to the kitchen for coffee), well hello there was Tulku Pema Wangyal Rinpoche. What ensued was a very nice afternoon with Rinpoche, Khenpo, and A. and D.

2009-08-10T23:35:00.002+05:30

2009-08-09T23:25:00.004+05:30

We finished this year's installment of Nagarjuna's Letter to a Friend. Perhaps it will be completed next year. I met a young French monk, Venerable A., he says he'd like to learn Tibetan and study in our shedra. I hope he can do so. Before I came to India I imagined I'd find many international students at Namdroling, but actually there are very few. I also had the pleasure of seeing my dear old friends A. and D., two of my fellow injees at Namdroling. I think we'll be spending a lot more time together in the days to come. Injee is the Tibetan word for white folk.

8 August 2009

2009-08-09T23:24:00.000+05:30

Khenpo didn’t even have a bruise from the door incident, thank Buddha! Today was a busy day with two teachings. We had Yontan Dzod in the morning and then in the afternoon Khenpo resumed his ongoing teachings on Nagarjuna’s Letter to a Friend. Mattieu is translating into English for the morning and French for the afternoon, he really is tremendously skilled. I’m also enjoying spending time with Venerable S. a British monk. I’ve never met a Westerner who speaks such flawless fluent Tibetan! J.C. too is a veteran translator and is great fun to talk with.
In the evening I got to work on my memorization for shedra.

7 August 2009

2009-08-09T23:16:00.001+05:30

I can already feel myself getting attached to life in France. In ways it is like being back in Canada- the luxuries of electricity day and night, hot showers, and high-speed internet. The food is rather better, though. I can feel myself getting healthier from all this wonderful organic vegetarian food. Our dharma friend J.C. is constantly brining us fruit, vegetables, bread, and amazing French cheese. Yeah, yeah I know… I’m an awful glutton and I’ll never leave samsara.
We had more teachings in the afternoon. Khenpo had a bit of a run-in with a glass door. He commented, “If I had horns, the glass would have broken.”

6 August 2009

2009-08-09T22:55:00.002+05:30

I woke up at about 4 am (7:30 am India time). I did some practice and spent several hours studying for shedra. In the afternoon, Khenpo began his first teachings of this tour. For most of the last decade he has been gradually teaching Yontan Dzod to the translators and three year retreat graduates here at Chanteloube. We are very luckly to have the peerless Matthieu Ricard as our translator for these teachings. Although I am on this trip as a translator for Khenpo, I am still in training and my skills are poor. Dharma teachings don’t get more difficult to translate than what we are studying now.

5 August 2009

2009-08-08T18:00:00.002+05:30

We had a big breakfast and took a taxi to Station Austerlitz. The taxi driver was enthusiastic about Buddhism and even had a Dalai Lama book in his car. I finally got some coffee after a tough 24 hours surviving on tea. There was this weird painting – which appears (to me and Pema) to be a monk with his lower robe over his head, perhaps taking a nap. We took the train to Brieve where we were met by several members of the Padmakara translation group. We drove to La Sonnerie, a wonderful farm house near Chanteloube where many sublime beings have stayed and taught over the years.

4 August 2009

2009-08-08T17:51:00.002+05:30

We flew on Air France to Paris. It took 8.5 hours and yes, flying with your lama and his attendant is more fun than flying alone. It was really frigid in the plane, Ani Pema actually caught a cold. We were met at the CDG airport by Ani Ngawang Chodron who took us to the Paris version of Shechen House- a very beautiful flat near L’arc de Triomphe. Later in the day we did some visa business and I caught glimpses of the Eiffle Tower and the Champs de Elysees. Back at the flat I helped Ani Ngawang with the cooking and learned some new vegetable chopping techniques.

3 August 2009

2009-08-08T17:50:00.001+05:30

I spent a long day at Shechen house not doing much, trying to keep cool in boiling Delhi. The high point was greeting Rabjam Rinpoche who arrived at the house on his way to Taiwan. I started climbing the huge mountain of studying which I must summit in order to keep up with my class at the nunnery. I’m reading Khenpo Tsewang Sonam’s wonderful Abhisamayalankara commentary. The author is said by some to be one of the best students produced by our shedra at Namdroling. At the airport I had some nice chats with the check-in and immigration officials. We flew out of Delhi just after midnight.

2 August 2009

2009-08-07T22:06:00.004+05:30

I took the bus out to the shiny new Bengaluru International Airport. I had been missing my coffee that morning, so I took advantage of both the Coffee Day and the Barista Coffee at the airport. I love coffee and I love that the Tibetan medicine I’ve been taking lets me drink more of it without ill effect. Earlier, my mother had advised me: “Try not to drink to much coffee or eat too many carbs.” Sorry Mom, I’m going to Europe. I was met at the Delhi airport by Ani Pema and two new Dharma friends. We spent the night at Shechen House where Khenpo was staying.

1 August 2009

2009-08-07T12:21:00.003+05:30

I spent the morning thinking: I’m not supposed to be leaving shedra in the middle of the year and I’m not ready to translate, especially for Khenpo. The head disciplinarian Ani Y.W. gave me some encouragement, “By doing this you will be serving not only Khenpo, but our monastery and nunnery. You will be developing your own skills as well. We are all very happy you are going and will pray for you.” That did help me feel better. In the afternoon, I took the bus to Bangalore and stayed in a small hotel in Gandhinagar, near the bus station. I took some neat photos on the way.

A temple under construction.

This looks more like Canada than India.

My 'Semester Abroad'

2009-08-07T11:19:00.003+05:30

I have decided to post 108 words about each day of my trip to France. Here's how it all started:

Two weeks ago, I went to translate for Khenchen Pema Sherab Rinpoche in Bangalore. His original translator had fallen ill. The next day I joked to the translator: "Don't worry if you are too sick to go to Europe, I'll go in your place and you can stay here and write my exams." Not catching the end bit of that sentence, he replied, "That's a good idea!" I spent the next two weeks getting ready. I got permission to miss classes but still be allowed to write our final exams. Due to visa issues we weren’t sure the trip would happen, but it came together in the end.

Debate, Part 1

2009-07-01T16:21:00.005+05:30

I'm still studying the Dharma, I always will be a student, but at this point I certainly don't see myself as a teacher. That being said, I have given a few talks here and there. In June, I gave my first talk at a Palyul lineage Buddhist center, namely Thubten Lekshey Ling Dharma Subhshita in Bengaluru (Bangalore). I promised at the talk that I would post a review of the main topics, so here is part one.

I explained the basics of debate as it is carried out in Tibetan Buddhism. We use logic to inquire about the Dharma. The Buddha says:

Monks and wise ones,

Just as you would burn, cut and burnish gold

Examine my teachings

Do not accept them out of faith.

Likewise Mipham Rinpoche has taught:

If the teachings of the Victor, which are logical,

Are extablished through logic,

And thus by the path of logic certainty is developed

The true result of the logical teachings will be seen.

So, logic is important. We begin our study of logic by learning the four points of relationship between things. Identical, seperate, three points, and four points. For example:

Identical: impermanent and caused are identical, they are different names for the same thing. Thus, whatever is impermanent is caused, whatever is caused is impermanent. Here identical means a singular entity. Not in the broader sense of identical objects, such as identical twins.

Seperate: permanent and impermanent are seperate. Whatever is permanent is not impermanent and vice versa. A pot and a pillar are seperate. Two identical twins would also be seperate, since there is nothing which is both of them.

3 Points: impermanent and knowable; All which is impermanent is knowable, not all which is knowable is impermanent. Thus we have something which is both: physical matter. Something which is knowable but not impermanent: space. Something which is neither: rabbit horns (not knowable because rabbits don't have horns, nor impermanent because they do not exist.)

4 Points: wisdom and permanent. That which is both: the wisdom of a Buddha. That which is wisdom but not permanent: the wisdom of a bodhisattva on the path of learning. That which is permanent but not wisdom: space. That which is neither wisdom nor permanent: matter.

Here are some more approachable examples:

3 Points: A ring and a gold ring. That which is both: A gold ring. That which is gold but not a ring: A gold brick. That which is neither: a silver ring.

4 Points: A ring and gold: That which is both: a gold ring. That which is gold but not a ring: a gold brick. That which is a ring but not gold: a silver ring. That which is neither: a necklace.

3 Points: American and American president: He who is both: Barrak Obama. American but not president: Hillary Clinton. Neither: the Queen of England.

4 Points: American and president: both: Obama. American but not president Hillary. President but not American: The president of any other country (unless he or she holds American citizenship). Neither: the citizen of any other country who is not a president.

Thus, we can examine both mundane phenomena and philosophical terms as to wether they are the same, different, or intersect with three or four points.

For example, let's debate on compassion:

Me: Are compassion and bodhicitta identical, seperate, three points or four points?

You: Three points.

Me: What are the three points?

You: All bodhichitta is compassionate, not all compassion is bodhichitta.

Me: What is that which is compassion but not bodhichitta?

You: Worldly compassion which is not embraced by the wish to attain enlightenment for the benefit of others is not bodhichitta.

Me: So if compassion is not united with the wish to attain enlightenment for the benefit of others it is not bodhichitta?

You: Yes, that is correct.

Funny conversations...

2009-06-09T06:56:00.001+05:30

I've been meaning to post some of the funny conversations I've had. Early this morning:

ROOMATE: Ani Damchoe Wangmo! Did you drop 200 rupees (about U.S. five dollars) in the toilet?

ME: Uh...

RM: Someone dropped 200 rupees in the toilet!

ME: (cringing at the thought of Gandhi-ji's visage getting dirty in our toilet) Did you take it out?

RM: (points to two wet 100 rupee notes drying on the window sill) So it isn't yours?

ME. I don't think so.

RM: I think it is mine. I took a shower last night. (yes, we shower in our toilet stall, for privacy)

ME: Well... if you are not sure you could offer it (for a puja). But... maybe you shouldn't offer those exact bills because...

BOTH OF US: They fell in the toilet! (laughter)

How I spent my 29th birthday

2009-06-08T20:59:00.001+05:30

I started my day with some coffee and practice. Talked to my mother and brother on the phone. Read my first few birthday wishes on facebook. Read a book Konchog gave me about the Mongolian folk hero lama Danzan Rabjaa. Studied Devangari, the alphabet common to Hindi and Sanskrit. Called Khenpo Pema Sherab's attendant to ask about a reading transmission for a certain text, told to come tomorrow morning. Had lunch. Got an hour of electricity around noon. Read more birthday wishes on facebook. Had a shower. Spent half an hour using Teach2000 to study the definitions of the five paths. Worked on memorizing the titles of the 17 Prajnaparamitra sutras and 21 Indian commentaries on them. At 3 pm went to First Camp for cappucinno with some Western friends and one Nepalese ani (most Tibetans don't follow birthdays). Inhaled a lot of fumes from the generator next to the cafe. Went back to the nunnery. Bought some momos from the vendor at the gate. Went back to my room. Ate chips for dinner and had another coffee, because hey its my birthday. Went to my friend's room to charge my computer. Messed around on the internet. Felt sorry about Aung San Suu Kii's situation. Taught my friend who speaks about five words of English how to say 'Shame on you.' Took fully charged laptop back to my room. Wrote this blog.

What I'm up to in shedra land

2009-06-04T16:36:00.003+05:30

We've been having classes in the evening instead of the usually 8:30 am because our days have been filled with puja for our lama's passing. Despite the very sad reason for it, I found I like class in the evening much more than in the morning. I've felt sharper.

In a month we've only gotten to page 22 of Paltrul Rinpoche's General Commentary (spyi don) on Abhisamalankara. It is typical to go this slowly at the beginning of a text. The first quatrains of many shastras are not only homages to the Buddhas and so on, but contain pith summaries of the main points of the texts.

Our teacher asked us if we would like him to teach us Haribhadra's Abhisamayalankara commentary Short Commentary Clear in Meaning ('grel chung don gsal) at the same time, or wait until after we finished the General Commentary. We voted on it and the result is we are covering each section in the General Commentary then following it with the same section in the Short Commentary.

The Short Commentary is interesting to read because it is a Tibetan translation of an Indian Commentary. This means its Tibetan is unusual; it has been bent and stretched to be an exact translation of the original Sanskrit. These days some Dharma students complain that the English translations of Tibetan texts and sadhanas are hard understand, filled with 'translator speak'. Well, if that's true, at least there is a precedent for it in history.

On the side, to try to shore up my understanding of the above texts, I am reading Khenpo Tsewang Sonam's commentary The New Radiance ('od snang gsar pa), as well as Botrul Tenpa'i Nyima's Words of Maitreya (ma pham zhal lung), and occasionaly looking at Tsongkapa's Golden Rosary (legs bshad gser phreng).

Statues in Zangdogpalri Temple

2009-05-26T20:34:00.005+05:30

Vajrasattva leaned...
Shakyamuni's eyes became uneven...

Guru Rinpoche seemed about to weep.

Still More Blessings...

2009-05-26T20:30:00.003+05:30

More Blessings

2009-05-26T20:23:00.004+05:30

Blessings at Namdroling

2009-05-26T20:08:00.005+05:30

Tea?

2009-05-02T20:59:00.003+05:30

Ani Tsewang on tea duty in Bodhgaya.

Daily list

2009-05-01T15:29:00.004+05:30

Everyday I try to:

meditate
study for shedra
exercise
practice handwriting (because it matters on our exams, doh!)
read academic books and articles
memorize root text
tidy my room

Things I do which sometimes hinder me in accomplishing all of the above:

read Harry Potter fan fiction
watch television serials on DVD
Facebook
eat irresponsibly (which messes up my blood sugar and turns me into a zombie)

If I were all-powerful I would:

Add more hours to the day so I could do everything on both lists (except maybe the zombie thing)

Penor Rinpoche with Yangthang Rinpoche

2009-04-30T21:30:00.003+05:30

In November 2008, Yangthang Rinpoche came to Namdroling to lead pujas for His Holiness Penor Rinpoche's long life. This picture was taken at a picnic held to celebrate the completion of the pujas.

Memorization

2009-04-29T21:53:00.002+05:30

With another school year comes another 15 pages of root text I have to memorize. A page means one two-sided Tibetan pecha page. If the root text is in stanzas, which it usually is, that means 8 to 10 stanzas per page.

Most teachers do not require us to give all 15 pages in one go. I usually give 4 or 5 pages at a time then start memorizing the next section. There is a deadline for providing proof of our memorization, the last day of the rainy season retreat (this year September 17th). If a student fails to complete the memorization test by that time, she has to give 25 pages before classes end two months later. For some people the deadline is no problem because they can somehow memorize hundreds of pages with ease. Anyone who memorizes over one hundred pages receives present.

Occasionally teachers insist that the student recites every stanza of the pages she is claiming to have memorized. More often the teacher will get the student to start at the beginning of the text, then after a few stanzas the teacher will read the first line of a stanza part way through the text. The student then continues reciting from that point until the teacher is satisfied. This may be repeated a few times depending on how many pages are being given.

I'm not a great memorizer, but for the last four years I've managed to get through the memorization tests. I remind myself that at other monasteries students must memorize every word of every root text on their curriculum. The truth is, the meaning always shines forth so much brighter when I am taught the commentary to text I have memorized. I've told myself that someday I will memorize the Way of the Bodhisattva in English. I think that would be a wonderful text to have written in my heart. For now I'll have to start on Abhisamayalankara and the Seventy Points.

Memories of Sikkim

2009-04-28T17:38:00.003+05:30

In February I was meditating at Norbugang in Yuksum, Sikkim and these little friends came to see what was going on.

Back to school

2009-04-27T08:34:00.002+05:30

I've challenged myself to post on this blog everyday for a week. To that end…

We began shedra classes last Monday. I'm in sixth year now. We've started the year with Paltrul Rinpoche's general commentary on the Ornament of Realization (Abhisamayalankara). The root text itself is a commentary on the Perfection of Wisdom. This is a famously difficult subject. So far we are just on the third page, so I'll have to let you know how it goes. I have yet to meet a Tibetan text that wasn't difficult to understand.

Khenchen Pema Sherab and Khenchen Tsewang Gyatso were both quite enthusiastic about this text, as though they were excited I was getting the chance to study it. People often say that if you do well on Abhidharmakosa (in fourth year) you will do well on Abhisamayalankara. I had a great teacher for Abhidharma, Dolpo Tulku Rinpoche. He really put in a lot of energy and joy. He helped keep us keen on day after day of enumerations and definitions. All the same, I was glad to say goodbye to dear old Abhidharma.

Sixth year is the last year we focus primarily on sutra traditions. For the final three years of our program we mainly study tantra. So I am aspiring to be diligent and give the Perfection of Wisdom the attention it deserves and to go for a more complete understanding of the Mahayana than I currently possess.

A letter to my lama, Penor Rinpoche

2009-04-03T14:33:00.006+05:30

Dear Rinpoche,

Seven days ago you entered into your final meditation of this life. Even now you rest in equipoise. Our community is united in practice, both here in India and in every place where your teachings have found resonance.

There came a point when it became certain you were going to leave us. It broke our hearts to see you so ill. We asked the dakinis and the buddhas not to call you, but still you had to go. Any one of would have give up our body to restore yours if such a thing were possible. To us you are far more than a teacher, or parent, or doctor, you are the very sun who illuminates our lives.

The lamas have taught that when students fail to keep their samaya it shortens the teachers' life. Rinpoche, I am so sorry for shortening your life. I am sorry for not being a good nun. I am sorry for not having compassion for beings. I am sorry for not practicing the six perfections. I am sorry for not meditating on the profound truth.

Rinpoche you have taught us the profound path of tantra again and again. You have taught us exceedingly high teachings. You taught us even though we were not all ready or capable. Thank you, Rinpoche, for putting your life on the line for us. You knew we were just beginners and yet you fulfilled our highest wishes.

I am sorry, Rinpoche, that I did not practice better. I am sorry I let time slip away while engaged in worldly matters. I am sorry that I have been the mere shadow of a practitioner. I thought that the tantric samayas were utterly beyond me as an ordinary person. I am sorry I didn't try. I am sorry for my lack of pure view. I am sorry for fighting with my fellow students. I am sorry for not maintaining the continuity of practice. I am sorry for not eliminating my wrong views. I am so sorry for shortening your life. I lay this at your feet from the depth of my heart. I confess everything now in the midst of your Dharmakaya heart.

Who could do what you have done? Who could nurture tens of thousands of monks, nuns, yogis, and lay people? Who could turn the wheel of Dharma year after year all over the world? Who could build so many monasteries, temples, and dharma centers? We can barely take care of ourselves, Rinpoche. You have done all these things and more, it is astonishing.

Rinpoche there is nothing that I could offer you now that would prolong your life. Someday soon your mind will leave your body and you will go on to your next destination. If you decide to go to a pure land, I wouldn't blame you. We your students have been ungrateful and probably quite disappointing to you. I do hope, though, that you will come back soon.

The only offering I can make to you now is my heart, Rinpoche, and to make these vows in the presence of your Dharmakaya heart: I vow to never abandon the path of Dharma. I vow to truly take the three jewels as my guides in life. You were so kind to ordain me, Rinpoche, I vow to keep these precepts you have given me. From now on I will remember bodhichitta everyday. I will restrain my self from hurting beings. I will try to love them and care for them and help them. I will lead a Dharma life. Wherever I go, I will go towards the Dharma. Whatever I do, I will do Dharma. Whenever I am lost I will take the three jewels as my guides. From now on I will exert myself in the path of the secret mantra. During meditation and in daily life I will practice to the best of my ability. I vow to go farther and deeper in my studies, so that I may go father and deeper in my practice. And when I practice, it will be for all beings. Not just for my self. I will practice so that beings may be rescued from samsara.

Thank you, Rinpoche, thank you for everything. Thank you personally for these vows, these teachings, this monastery, this education. Thank you Rinpoche for what you have given us. Thank for what you have done for beings. We can see only the material expressions of your kindness, but I am certain there is much much more. I believe you have been benefiting beings with your every thought, word, and breath, for your whole life. That is amazing, Rinpoche, I pray someday all beings will be like you.

From my heart,

Damchoe Wangmo

You are a Westerner who has been living in a Tibetan community in India too long if:

2009-01-05T14:16:00.003+05:30

you have yama (sinitus)
you do the head wobble thing
you start sentences with "We Tibetans..."
you start sentences with "Those Injees..."
you speak Tibetan to Indians and Hindi to Tibetans
you don't know the word in Tibetan you say it in Hindi
you say "shit" (in English) every time you drop something
you don't know the name of any vegetables in Tibetan but you do in Hindi or Chinese
you'd actually prefer to have butter tea
prefer to tell people phone numbers in Chinese or English rather than Tibetan
you point with your lips
you think this post is funny because it is true

Blogs of Interest

2008-12-15T11:02:00.003+05:30

I'm in the middle of studying for exams so I don't think I'll be posting for awhile. Please visit these blogs by my fellow Western nuns studying in India: A Year in India by Ani Damcho and The Path Less Travelled by Ani Yejung.

My Roomates

2008-10-23T11:11:00.004+05:30

These are my roomates, Pema Chodron (not the famous one) on the left, and Ngawang Sherab on the right. Pema is from Ladakh and in her first year of shedra. Ngawang is from Tibet, and in her second year. I feel lucky to have these woman as my roomates.

A Young Nun Studying

2008-07-20T11:25:00.001+05:30

Considering Ordination Part 2

2008-07-20T11:18:00.003+05:30

People seem to have a vast array of projections about monks and nuns. For Westerners these are largely carry-overs from their image of Christian monastics and other clergy. We also seem to take references from Hollywood's vision of peaceful Zen monasteries or even the Shaolin monks in our projection of what monasticism means. This is not negative, per se; it is just how the conceptual mind works. We take bits and pieces from our experience and imagination and we solidify them into a conceptual projection. The tension comes in when we try to fit mundane appearances into the shape of our projections-- the way things are vs. the way things should be.

Often as not monks and nuns in the West are isolated as the single ordained person in a community of lay people. For the monastic himself or herself, a great deal of guidance can be taken from the Vinaya (the monastic code) as per what is appropriate. Traditionally, lay people do not study the Vinaya, and it certainly is not expected for lay people to have a comprehensive understanding of the monastic vows and rituals. In fact, too much awareness of these things can lead lay people to criticize the ordained for not behaving 'correctly'. On the other hand, difficulties arise when lay people have no recompense other than popular culture and Christianity in forming their understanding of Buddhist monks and nuns. It is neither comfortable nor desirable for Westerners to act Asian in a desire to be 'correct' as monastics. This may work if the Western monk or nun is in training in Asia, but in the West it does not lead to a style of monasticism feasible for Westerners. We need to discern what is Vinaya, and what is merely a reflection of its host culture. I think much can learned from Christian monasticism, but we also need to be aware of the differences between our two traditions. For example, most Christian monks and nuns are trained prior to taking lifelong ordination. In the Buddhist tradition ordination is often the very first step in training. This leads to difficulties when one gets ordained by a travelling lama. Who trains the new monastic? It is also confusing for some lay people who expect that the ordained person has been ordained on the basis of qualifications.

I think these issues are very much worthy of consideration, especially to prospective monastics. The Buddha taught that there is no permanent, truly established identity. Thus, we need have mindfulness when it comes to pursuing a 'monastic identity'. Since my last post I have given this a great deal of thought. Why do people desire so deeply to be ordained? Why do they later disrobe? I think it sometimes has to do with grasping after identity. Identity grasping, after all, is the linchpin of samsara. Learning to identify and deconstruct identity grasping is an extremely significant part of the Buddhist path.

How, then, should we approach monasticism? I think we must see it as a practice, and we must view monastics as people doing a special kind of practice. The Vinaya itself is not merely a set of rules for the ordained; it is a description of the practice of monasticism. We don't choose to abandon sexual conduct etc. because we aren't interested in it. We abandon it because we see it as harmful. Why is it harmful? Because it increases desire and thus binds us more tightly to cyclic existence. All of the monastic vows have to do with abandoning actions harmful to oneself and others as well as creating a situation were mental virtues may naturally increase. So instead of ordination because 'this is who I want to be', I suggest ordination because 'this is how I want to practice in order to attain enlightenment'.

Tug of inner peace?

2008-07-20T11:09:00.001+05:30

Consdering Ordination Part 1

2008-01-30T17:58:00.000+05:30

From time to time I receive letters from people who are considering monastic ordination in the Buddhist tradition. At the moment there are two young women in my home town who are looking in that direction. With them in mind I'll offer some tips and thoughts.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your letter. I am always glad to hear from people who are considering the monastic life. Ordination is a special way of life unlike other vocations in this world. Whether you ordain or not, there is great virtue in merely giving rise to the thought of doing so.

You may feel a big rush to take vows. Be wary of this feeling. Like marriage, vows are nothing to jump into without preparation. A life long comitment must be based on a solid and well informed foundation.

Please take time to carefully read this guide called Preparing for Ordination. Buddhist masters and experienced monastics have put this book together especially for Westerners who are consdering ordination. I think it is broadly aplicable to anyone who is interested in monasticism.

You may meet lamas in the Tibetan tradition who seem hesitant to ordain you. This is not arbitrary. They have see hundreds of people rush into ordination, full of devotion and ambition, only to disrobe to within a few years or months. Why do people disrobe? My own opinion is: People jump into ordination in a search for identity. When they discover that ordination has not bestowed upon them the identity they seek, they feel discouraged. Yes, ordination is full of blessings, but eventually you still have to confront the same old habitual tendencies which have governed you up till now.

If you are planning to live as a monastic in the West, or even in many places in Asia, take a long look at the situation for monastics. Many monks and nuns must work to support themselves. Some live on their own, others are accomodated in Dharma centers. It impresses me that people are able to maintain their ordination while working at normal jobs and paying rent and bills. I don't think the Buddha intended for monastics to work in this way, but from the depths of my heart I salute the people who manage to do so.

It takes many conducive conditions to maintain ordination. A new monastic needs the guidance of a senior monk or nun. Traditionally the novice will stay with his or her master for ten or twelve years. The novice emulates the master and seeks his or her guidance in all matters. These days it may be hard to find this sort of training. Even if you decide to live on your own as a monastic, consider spending at least a few months under the tutelage of experienced monks and nuns.

The Buddha had his monastic followers live in communties together. These monasteries became great factories of enlightenment where people could study, meditate together and support eachother on the path to enlightenment. We are very fortunate that such communites still exist today, even in Western countries. Please take a look at Gampo Abbey, Plum Village, Sravasti Abbey, and the F.P.M.T.. These are just a few of the organizations which provide support for monks and nuns.

More to come in Part 2.

India vs. Canada

2007-12-29T17:53:00.001+05:30

I'm on holiday at my family's home in Canada. I'd like to look at some of the differences between my life here and back in India.

Weather: I'm so cold here in Canada! I can't stop saying 'a-choo' which is 'brrrrr' in Tibetan. It is only -15C at the moment, but could go down to -30C at any time. Luckily we have heated homes and cars. I've spend winters in Nepal, without heating that's cold indeed. In South India it never drops below 15C.

Accommodation: I'm staying in the house where I grew up. It is just the three of us most of the time. Once people go back to work, I will have plenty of time alone. Outside of my room at the nunnery, I am never alone. The nunnery isn't crowded so much as very full.

Noise: It is so quiet here. Of course one might expect a monastery to be quiet, but with hundreds of nuns under the age of 20, there is plenty background noise. While I was studying for my exams last month a teenage nun set up camp under my window. She was chanting very loudly, reading not only prayers, but also chanting her way through the subjects which would be coming on her own exams. She would even chant the spelling of English words. Luckily after a few days she found another place to study. I was close to looking for things to ~~throw~~ accidentally drop from my window.

Food: The nunnery food is fairly simple. One day lunch is rice and lentil soup, the next day bread and vegetables. Dinner is rice gruel or flour gruel. I cook for myself, but even then, my menu is similar day to day. But here in Canada... wow! So much variety. Just seeing a full fridge and pantry is such a trip. Since I've gotten home I keep eating nachos and cheese, my favorite meal. If I gain a lot of weight here, that's okay-- in traditional Tibetan culture fat is handsome, and loosing weight brings concern. Many times nuns have told me, "We would love to be as fat and white as you." I tell them, "Drink milk, eat a lot." Honestly though, I hate being white. Maybe if I drink more chocolate milk...

Shopping: We've done some boxing day shopping here. Apparently if the Canadian salespeople are on commission they can be just as pushy and deceptive as some of their Indian counterparts. I do like the fixed prices here. In India it is rude not to haggle a bit, but I just can't do it. Over time certain merchants have taken pity on me for my lack of haggling; they just tell me the real price instead of the 'foreigner price'.

Culture: The longer I stay in Canada, the weirder it seems to be a Buddhist nun. In India, shaved heads and robes are normal. Western culture is confusing. Do people really think that they will be happier with a new car or a slimmer body? It is always such a relief to go back to India. India is a special place for spiritual development. However, India does has a booming middle class with goals and interests similar to the West. A lot of the younger nuns follow Indian Idol. The monks go mad about soccer, just like in The Cup. But the goals which guide our lives are spiritual.

Friends: Since joining Facebook this year I have reconnected with many old friends and classmates in Canada. It will be fun to meet people I haven't seen in 10 or 15 years! Back in India I've been something of a hermit for the last 5 months or so. Everyone says the fourth year of shedra (college) is one of the hardest. I've had to study a lot, to the utter dissolution of my social life. But most of my friends are shedra students or alumni, so they understand and haven't totally given up on me.

Another year ends...

2007-11-14T09:53:00.000+05:30

Here's a photos of all the nuns in shedra together with our teachers. We finished our classes on November 1st. Now we have a month to study and then it will be time for our comprehensive final exams.
If this blog has any avid readers (other than my mother, of course, "Hi Mom!") I apologize for not having posted for several months. I lost my Internet connection in July and can't be bothered to blog from an Internet cafe (except this present post). Hopefully I'll be back online next March. In the meantime, once my holidays begin at the end of December I hope to post something new and interesting.

Our big Buddha thangka

2007-06-03T20:47:00.000+05:30

On the 26th of May, during the one week drubchen leading up to the anniversary of the Buddha's Birth, Enlightenment and Parinirvana on May 31st, a giant thangka made of parachute fabric was displayed.

Here comes the big snake:

It is customary to headbutt the snake to get a blessing, or alternatively, throw a kata on it. Pushing and shoving to get one's head in butting range is also customary.

This building is seven stories tall. We call it "The Seven-Story Building" togsa dunpa. The apparatus on top was built with this thangka in mind.

The wind made it look like the mast of a ship. The great ship of Lord Buddha.

Utilities?

2007-05-25T19:51:00.000+05:30

Here at the nunnery there are two types of electricity: government light, from the Indian government, and generator light, from the nunnery generator. I live in the 'new building', which does not get government light. The reason for this seems to be some sort of bureaucratic issue which has prevented us from joining the local power grid. If you've spent anytime in India you may have an idea of the length of time it takes to solve these bureaucratic snarls. Our building has been standing for two years... and still not a flash of government light.

On a good day we get electricity from the generator for five whole hours. It comes from 5am to 7am and from 7pm to 10pm. That's when we really need it-- before sunrise and after sunset. Sometimes we don't get any electricity in the evening-- that was the case every evening last week. This week has been better, but each evening around seven we start to wonder if light will come or not. There is some hopefulness, but also a patient realism, "It may not come." We all have candles and flashlights at hand, should we be left in darkness. When we do get light, it is a pleasant surprise each time. We rejoice in our good fortune.

The system seems to be- if there is class the next day we usually have light that evening. If it is a Saturday evening we definitely don't get electricity because "It is a holiday, you don't need it." If there is puja the next day, only Buddha knows if light will come or not.

Electricity is necessary to pump water into the tank on the roof which supplies the bathrooms and showers on the three floors of our building. Mysteriously, although electricity doesn't come to the rooms during the day, water will nonetheless come at various times of day. At those times, unless we are in class, there is a mad rush of nuns carrying laundry, dishes and shower things in the direction of the washrooms. In about an hour the water gets used up, occasionally stranding some unlucky soap covered showerer. We've kept a few buckets full of water in our bathroom, which has thus far seen us through the periods without water. Not everyone is so prepared-- and the toilets can get rough indeed. I've also taken to keeping a bucket and a basin in my room to wash my dishes. When I'm done I just throw the water off the balcony-- which is the normal thing to do here. I've just got to make sure there is no one walking around on the ground below. I've splashed a few people by accident, and I've also been on the receiving end of a few dishwater showers.

So water and light come and go-- without a regular schedule--spontaneously. We could say it depends on our merit at any given time. I used to feel that this was a hard part about living in India, but now it is just the situation and not something to worry about. When I visit Canada it takes some time to get used to water always coming out of the tap whenever I turn it on (and even hot water-- wow) and being able to turn the light on in the middle of the night, when, yes indeed, there is light, even though most people are asleep and don't need it.

You might wonder, "Well why not run the generator all the time?" That'd be an idea, but it would be expensive... And these blessed chances to practice patience and abandon expectation are priceless.

Inside the Temple

2007-04-20T21:42:00.000+05:30

The main temple:

The door to the main temple:

The shrine in the front of the temple. The statues are: Guru Rinpoche on the left, Shakyamuni Buddha in the center, Amitayus on the right. The throne of our abbot, His Holiness Penor Rinpoche, is in the bottom right corner:

Nuns praying:

What does the nunnery look like?

2007-03-14T16:38:00.000+05:30

Nuns on their way to puja in the nunnery temple. On the second floor there is a library and two classrooms.

The dratsang building to the right of the temple. This building houses nuns studying in the primary school and nuns who carry out pujas and study the ritual arts (dratsang).

The shedra building to the left of the main temple. This building houses nuns studying in the philisophical college.

The new building to the left of the shedra building. This building houses mainly dratsang nuns, primary school nuns and a few shedra nuns. There are five classrooms in the left wing.

The Main Point

2007-03-03T17:31:00.001+05:30

I visited the West after my exams in January and had the chance to discuss Buddhism with several people. I think this video by the Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche sums up some essential points nicely.

Ani Lopons Lhamo and Tenzin Chokyi

2007-01-18T21:58:00.000+05:30

Female Teachers

2007-01-18T21:47:00.000+05:30

For hundreds of years, higher education in Buddhist philosophy has been taught and received mostly by men. There have been a few female teachers, great meditators, such as Shugseb Jetsun, and incarnations of the Buddhas, such as Yeshe Tsogyal. No doubt there have been many great female meditators, who have quietly received the teachings, attained realization, perhaps instructed a few disciples, and then passed away. I should point out that the teachings on meditation, which bring us to enlightenment, have been available to women since the advent of Buddhism in Tibet. However, systematic training in Buddhist philosophy, has mainly been the domain of monks.

Only in the last twenty years or so, have there been shedra programs instituted for nuns. Shedra allows students to gain a correct understanding of the great texts of Buddhism authored by the Buddha and their commentatries by Indian and Tibetan masters. It is not necessary to study in shedra in order to meditate correctly. Merely by relying on the instuctions of one's guru, it is possible to attain enlightenment. However, studying the great texts before engaging in long term mediation is much like studying a map before embarking on a journey.

The meditator who has not studied extensively may have a perfect realization, but he or she may be unable to communicate it as well as a mediator who has studied.

In 1992, Penor Rinpoche opened a nunnery and later instituted a shedra program for nuns. In 2004, four nuns complete their ninth and final year of shedra and thus became ani lopons. The following year seven more nuns graduated, so now we have quite a few female teachers at our nunnery.

These ani lopons have been teachings both in the nuns' shedra (college) and in the lobtra (primary school). Previously, all the shedra courses were taught by monk lopons and khenpos from Namdroling, and the lobtra classes were mostly taught by senior students from the nuns' shedra.

I've received about half my courses in the past two years from these ani lopons. In their ability to explain the Dharma texts, I don't think they are any different than male teachers. Of course most teachers improve as they gain more experience, so there is definitely a difference between old and newer teachers. I've found that many new teachers have a difficult time assessing whether their students have correctly understood the teachings. Experienced teachers can pinpoint their students' level and teach accordingly.

A difference I have seen between the ani lopons and monk lopons is something which has to do with their students. To start with, nuns are extremely shy, especially in the presence of monk teachers. Some monks find ways to lighten the mood and these nuns slowly come out of their shells. Others fail to do this, and find that no one will ask or answer questions in class. When ani lopons are teaching, there is less shyness on the part of students. The students will more readily ask questions and participate in class discussion. Since question and answer sessions are crucial to gaining a correct understanding of the Dharma, this is a great advantage of having female teachers.

Another advantage is that young nuns may now have role models of their own gender. In a way, the lama or guru is the main role model, we hope to attain his or her level of realization and become a great being. However, you won't find any nuns at our nunnery who say, "In this life, I'm planning to become a spiritual master who can guide others." It would be an extremely arrogant thing to say. So now that we have ani lopons, who are qualified to teach, and hold greater responsibility among nuns, what better role models for young nuns?

New Year's resolutions

2006-12-31T17:47:00.000+05:30

1. practice more
2. study more
3. exercise
4. patience (there is no austerity like it!)
5. memorize the root text of Abhidharmakosa before classes begin, not after!
6. take more photos
7. go to puja every single 10th and 25th
8. speak more Tibetan
9. practice Tibetan speed reading everyday
10. learn a new torma each week

So, what are your resolutions?

Little nuns

2006-12-30T19:28:00.000+05:30

See Samten Study

2006-12-20T17:19:00.000+05:30

Exams... Part 2, the revenge!

2006-12-20T17:12:00.000+05:30

I've finished one of my five exams (Madyamakavatara- it went pretty well!), and I've got the second one tomorrow.
What's it like? At 7:15 am we enter the main temple. All the students from year one to nine write their respective exams at the same time. We bring clipboards, pens and correction fluid. We sit on mats on the floor, spaced apart and separated from our classmates. At 7:30 we receive our question papers and start writing.
We have three hours to answer at least five essay questions (up to eight questions on certain exams). The exams cover the entire text and may also include questions on topics covered in previous years. Some exams cover two or three small texts. Teachers patrol the room, making sure there is no cheating. A bell is rung every hour so we know how much time is left. At 9 am Tibetan butter tea is served, yuck! At 10:30 a bell rings, and we are given an extra 15 minutes to finish off our questions and proof-read. Then we hand in our papers and start to prepare for the next exam, which will be held four days later.
Marks are given for content, spelling, and handwriting. Most people write in kyu yig, the smallest form of Tibetan calligraphy. This year my handwriting is worse than ever, due to having broken my right arm in November. I'm trying to write a bit bigger, so it will be legible.
Why am I blogging this? I should get back to studying. Wish me luck!

Our Class with Ani Lopon Yeshe Lhamo

2006-11-25T16:44:00.000+05:30

Study and exams...

2006-11-25T16:31:00.000+05:30

Classes ended a few weeks ago and now it is study time. We get 24 days to study what we have learned this year, then we will write five comprehensive exams. This study period is one of my favorite times of year. I feel like I really get into the texts. During the school year, going to classes and debate, I feel a bit busy. But now I have nothing to do but study. The texts my class studied this year are:

1. Madyamakavatara
Entering the Middle Way by Chandrakirti and the commentary by Chandrakirti himself, translated from the Sanskrit. This text explains the view of Madyamaka in the context of the ten bodhisattva levels. It was not easy to read, as Tibetan translated from Sanskrit can be tough compared to the language used in original Tibetan compositions. I also read Mipham
Rinpoche's commentary in both English and Tibetan to help clarify the meaning. My teacher was Lopon Sonam Tobden.

2. Mulamadyamakakarika
Root Stanzas on the Middle Way called "Wisdom" by Nagarjuna and the commentary by Mipham Rinpoche. This is the text which instigated the Madyamaka tradition and other texts such as Madyamakavatara and Catu Sataka Sastra Karika are commenting and elaborating on the philosophy which it sets forth. I found it poetic and profound. It primarily sets forth the ultimate view of the Middle Way by negating the ultimate existence what we usually take to be established phenomena, such as coming and going. My teacher was Ani Lopon Sangye Drolma.

3. Catu Sataka Sastra Karika
Four Hundred Verses on the Middle Way by Aryadeva and commentary by Botrul Tenpai Nyima. Aryadeva was a disciple of Nagarjuna. This text primarily sets forth the meditation of the Middle Way. It includes relative mind training and ultimate meditation on the view of the Middle Way. My teacher was Ani Lopon Yeshe Lhamo.

4. Pramana Nyaya Pravesha
Door to Logic by Dignaga. This is a very short text by an Indian master. It deals with dialectics and logic. My teacher was Lopon Migmar Dorje.

5. Don rNam Nges Shes Shes Rab Ral Gri
Sword of Wisdom by Mipham Rinpoche. A very clear text on the two truths, the logic by which they are established, and the result of logic. My teacher was Lopon Migmar Dorje.

6. Kabyadarsha by Dandi with commentary by Bokhey. This is a text on poetry. We only studied part of the text and we will continue next year. It was not easy, as I met a lot of unfamiliar words in this text. We wrote examples during the year to familiarize ourselves with over sixty types of simile and poetic devices. My teacher was Lopon Kharpo.

7. Chos 'Byung
History of the Dharma by Dudjom Rinpoche Part Five. We study this text from first year until sixth year. This year we covered the period of the propagation of the three inner tantras in Tibet during the time of Guru Rinpoche. My teacher was Ani Lopon Yeshe Lhamo.

8. rGyal Rabs
Tibetan Political History by Dudjom Rinpoche Part Two. We study this text from second year to fourth year. This year we covered the period from the reign of King Trisong Deusten up to the reign of Lang Darma and the subsequent period when Tibet was in pieces. My teacher was Ani Lopon Yeshe Lhamo.

How, you might ask, will we write five exams on eight subjects? The three Madyamaka texts will have separate exams. The two history texts will be combined on one exam. And the other three will be combined on one exam. Our first exam will be on December 17th.

Nuns debating the dharma

2006-10-28T20:27:00.000+05:30

What happens in a Tibetan monastery?

2006-10-27T20:46:00.000+05:30

Our community at Namdroling is composed of a monastery with at least 3000 monks and a nunnery with just over 500 nuns. Both the monastery and nunnery have three main parts: primary school (lobtra), ritual arts college (dratsang), and philosophical college (shedra). The monastery also has a three year retreat center (drubdra) and the nunnery hopes to build one as soon as sponsorship is available.
The lobtra provides an eight year school program for children between the ages of seven and twenty-two (approximately). All classes are taught in Tibetan. Subjects include reading, writing, chanting, and English in the early years. Later years also study basic Buddhist texts, debate, ritual arts, and ritual music. This type of primary education prepares students to enter the shedra or dratsang after graduation. The students take the monastic robes and thus become monks and nuns, but usually do not take novice vows until after graduation.
The dratsang is home to the greatest percentage of the monastery population. The dratsang's main occupation is to carry out liturgical services (puja). Pujas are performed within the monastery's temples and also within the private homes of the local laity. Dratsang monks and nuns study litugical chanting, the making of ritual substances, and playing liturgical instruments.
The shedra offers a nine year program in Buddhist philosophy. Students study 6 to 8 texts each year. They debate for an hour each day, and write comprehensive final exams at the end of the year. Since this is where I study, it will be the subject of many future blogs.
The drubdra is a retreat center where participants practice in a sealed group retreat for three years, three months and three days.
There are many different teachers in the monastery. Foremost is our revered abbot and spiritual guide, His Holiness Penor Rinpoche. His Holiness offers empowerments and meditation instruction as well as practical advice to the monks, nuns, and laity. Graduates of the shedra, lopons and khenpos, teach in the shedra and lobtra. A senior lama offers instruction inside the drubdra. And as is traditional, many older monks and nuns teach the younger ones and offer guidance based on their experience.
Another essential part of the monastery community is the large number of monks and nuns who serve as 'workers'. They cook, build, oversee sections of the monastery or specific projects, and maintain discipline. Some workers hold their positions permanently, but most are appointed to serve for three years.
All members of the monastery may engage in their individual practices of prayer and meditation. There are also group practices and retreats held every year.

What led you to become a Buddhist nun?

2006-10-21T22:17:00.000+05:30

I was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. I attended Greystone Heights Elementary School and Walter Murray High School. In my last year of high school I encountered Buddhism when my father invited me to see a performance by some Tibetan lamas. I found the performance interesting and it started me reading books about Buddhism. I discovered that Buddhism provided answers about life which felt true to me.

As a graduation gift, I was able to visit Vancouver, and I took that chance to formally become a Buddhist by taking refuge.
A few months later I met Venerable Karma Lekshe Tsomo, the founder of Sakyadhita, she gave me the opportunity to teach English at Jamyang Choling Monastery for Women in Dharamsala, India. I taught English at Jamyang Choling for 4 months in 1999. I greatly admired the life the nuns led. They seemed very pure hearted, joyful, and free of worldly concerns.

Although I wished to become ordained immediately, there didn't seem to be a community where I could live, and there were other obstacles, so I returned to Canada. It turned out to be very beneficial to wait a few years before ordaining. I was able to consider the decision deeply, and help my family become comfortable with the idea.

I came to Namdroling Monastery in South India in 2001. I received the ceremony of 'going forth' from Khenchen Pema Sherab. In May of 2002, I received novice vows from His Holiness Penor Rinpoche, the abbot of the monastery. I have been living at Namdroling since that time. In 2004 I joined the nuns philosophical college (shedra), Tsogyal Shedrup Gawa'i Tsal.

Tibetan nuns ending the rainy season retreat

2006-10-21T14:32:00.000+05:30

2006-10-21T13:58:00.000+05:30

I've been a Buddhist nun for five years. I receive all sorts of questions about my life, so I'd like to post the answers here. As well, before I became a nun I cherished any sort of information about the monastic life, particularily the accounts of Western monastics, but it was very hard to come by. With that in mind, I hope to share a bit about what its like to be a Westerner ordained in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.